matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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