He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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