Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
