dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
