arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
