so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
