I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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