Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
