did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
