You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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