I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
