maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
