Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I got chris browned last night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
