i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
