just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
