You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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