i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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