the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
