How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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