I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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