You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
