Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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