I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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