she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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