I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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