Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
