Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
