4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
