On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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