he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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