Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
