I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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