what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
