Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Need sex. Gaining weight.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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