Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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