5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
