Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
