Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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