You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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