Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
