id be glad to
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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