Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
