That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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