Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
