i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
