If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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