no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I did not marry a roomba.
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