We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
