So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
