I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
FUCK WHALES
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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