one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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