i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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